zlacker

Always wonder what people without roots are supposed to do. Where's the advice for them?

>>pizza+(OP)
Do you mean by being uprooted to different places as a child? This happened to me but I put down new roots and made long-term friends as an adult. I'd think the advice for people lacking roots would be the same as for anyone who lacks friends and/or has lost connections? There are also people who lived in an area all their life but maybe friends moved away etc and they found themselves lonely. Seems to me an answer is get involved with things - volunteering, sports, arts, music etc, and for those religious faith, get involved with that, church or otherwise, as long as its a diverse inclusive tolerant supportive community.

>>pizza+(OP)
While it might be hard to grow roots, it is not impossible. IMO, you should start doing serious work on growing roots when you are in your late 20s. Growing roots include:

- Getting married

- Having kids

- Settling down to live in one place

- Finding out how you can participate in the local community, and the actively participate

You will find that people are remarkably open to people who willingly contribute to other's well-being. This is how friends are made, this is how roots are grown.

Edit: formatting

>>debok+4b
I "blew my life up" twice. Both times I was looking to start over and settle, i.e. grow roots, but in a different place.

It failed both times. People are incredibly difficult to accept outsiders within their circle. I did get married, but wife wants no kids :( ... which makes the marriage a little... fragile. Without close family/friends holding me here (I am and feel like a complete stranger here, 10 years on, and my wife is not local either), it seems I could just go at any time.

However, blowing my life up a third time seems futile. It may work for some people, but after failing twice, doing it a third time seems stupid.

>>brabel+Pc
Yeah, you're right. I should've added a YMMV qualifier.

>>brabel+Pc
"However, blowing my life up a third time seems futile. "

Unless you do it different this time.

There are places that welcome outsiders. And there are places where everyone is living as an outsider to different degree, even those who were born there, with only shallow bands formed out of habit. You can never feel at home in those places.

>>brabel+Pc
Same here. I moved to Australia from London via a 9 year stint in Dublin.

The Irish accepted me, despite the English connection. I made some very good friends but now have lost contact with all but one.

I moved to Brighton in Melbourne 10 years ago and it's a much harder nut to crack. The people here went to prep, primary, secondary school together. Probably university too. I'm an outsider looking in despite volunteering and doing all the rest.

"Blowing up" and moving back to the UK or Ireland is tempting but I would need to start it all again.

I think I'll stay. Maybe I'll crack these nuts one day and have roots.

>>osulli+zj
As someone who grew up in the area (mid 20s atm), there is a well known phrase amongst locals (at least my mates), the "Brighton Bubble." Also yes you're spot on about keeping ties through all levels of education, at least in my case. It was funny living in Sydney for a year, and returning to Melbourne, and when dating one of the first questions you'd be asked is what school you went to. At least, that's my experience, with a couple of people.

But it's not all gloom and doom, the closer you get to the CBD the more opportunities for connection open up. More activities to do in general, more people who are new to the city and are less likely to have ossified social circles, more public funding for that kind of thing. Melbourne has a rich variety of cultures and perspectives to immerse yourself in if you can align your life along the same axes that nurture those cultures and perspectives. Out in the burbs, particularly in the Bubble, less so. Doesn't help that Brighton and its surrounds are skewed to preserve the lifestyles of the people who grew up in the area (this is the politest possible way I can describe it). Speaking from experience there are plenty of people who left the insular communities of their youth around here, because they never felt like they belonged, and never looked back.

Also worth remembering the lockdowns didn't help. I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for in terms of social connection but my point is, please keep plugging away.

>>hutzli+Sh
Would it not help them to name some of those places?