Just a feeling. I have no proof.
And, It should go without saying, respecting one's identity is the least we can do, including the gender since it's in there. Except, of course, for horrible stuff, but surely gender is no such thing.
Actually, while I don't care about my gender, if you are not ready to respect my fellow human beings and their identity, I don't really want to have to interact with you.
When you say "not caring", do you mean "Can't be bothered to use pronouns people wish to be referred to" or "don't mind being called with whatever pronoun?" Because the phrasing is ambiguous and two of the possible meanings are radically different things.
At this point im not sure if socially constructing your identity is that common outside of your teenage years.
then I'm with you, a part of the problem is there.
Actually this doesn't match your first sentence, trans people pretty much care about their gender. I believe only a part of the non conforming people don't care about their gender.
Anecdote but as a cis male not caring about his gender, I never quite felt hostility against me in particular (against the male gender, sure, but I understand this hostility)
I'm confused by your comments so I'm trying to clarify by making things more explicit.
To me, "non-conforming" here means LGBTQIA+. "cis" is the closest thing to "conforming". "trans" is pretty much "non-conforming". I suspect we are not agreeing on this. What do you mean by "they" and "non-conforming"? If we don't agree on those words, it most likely follows that I don't agree with your following sentence "This results in the discrimination you speak of."
This is very abstract. An practical example: Answering "How would i know?" to "What are your pronouns?" will get you this kind of covert hostility.
You could've just not commented.
It's also ok to ask trans people what are their pronouns. They should be glad most of the time.
About cis people, I don't know. I don't have much experience in the topic. I've never seen anybody misgender a cis person. Sometimes there is a doubt but it's vanishingly rare. It's also uncommon to ask a cis person their pronouns, and I believe a cis person won't expect to be asked this because for them it should be obvious what their gender is, though it would be logical to do so because you are not expected to notice a trans person is trans and some places push for it.
I personally won't explicitly ask pronouns unless absolutely necessary and didn't have the chance to pick the information up passively. I certainly don't need this on the internet.
On the internet, the rule is simple: you should not use a gendered pronoun to refer to someone without checking first. "they" is safer if you don't want to spend time checking their profile and sometimes you just can't know. That's what I do most of the time.
Now, trans or cis, if you keep misgendering the same person, it's a bit like using a wrong name several times with the same person. People don't usually like this. Since gender identity is (unfortunately; my opinion) a big deal in our societies you have no choice to care if you don't want to piss people off. It's general politeness, if you don't want to appear rude, you need to care, remember, etc, just like you need to remember the name. Though forgetting names is quite generally understood and accepted. I'm of people who don't easily remember names at first.
tl;dr: I use "they" on the internet or check the profile. In real life, I try to pick it up and remember the information. It has not happened to me that I misgender someone, but I consider it is fine once but will not make the mistake twice.
Do you have a better suggestion on whats going on?
That isn't the case for everyone, tho.
Just use they. Try to remember the gender when told, but if this is still an issue, use they (for the names, I just find workarounds to not have to mention them when I can help it).
(especially in English that seems more and more current; in French iel is becoming more common but still not very widespread)
Surely people can understand and accept your struggle if you explain what's happening, though again, I never met someone like this knowingly, so I can't be sure how that works.
You're too ahead of your time! :-)
Those of us who reject the idea that women and men are to be redefined in terms of "gender identity", and consider this to be a sexist belief system, either have to pretend to hold this view or be excluded from participating.
Then they don't understand what free software is.
Not surprising considering these people are primarily activists and software is merely means of gaining personal power in another space.