zlacker

This is true, and that's why I also try to bring up examples of times I have had blatantly sexist behavior toward me. (Which luckily, has been extremely rare.) It allows me to talk about my reaction, which has always been: let's have a personal, one-on-one chat about why I'm not okay with this. This conveys two things:

1) My "assume good faith" policy doesn't mean I'm okay with genuine harassment, and I have no problems standing up for myself. 2) I will always TELL colleagues if I'm uncomfortable and give them a chance to change their behavior before I escalate anything to HR.

But ultimately, this is something that comes down to trust. Trust in my colleagues to not take advantage of the "assume good faith" policy, and trust in me to use good sense to interpret my colleagues' behavior.

And, frankly, the modern workplace is a really hard place to cultivate trust in. But I do my best, and thus far, my efforts seem to have paid off.

>>paperw+(OP)
I don't think you understood the point he made.

It is a question of trust, as you have correctly pointed out... But there has been precedence of women behaving as you currently seem to do, just to go public with stories going back years, taken out of context and portrayed as extreme sexism.

Any interaction is a potential liability with very little potential reward.

>>411111+py
> But there has been precedence of women behaving as you currently seem to do, just to go public with stories going back years

I would actually think that's rare, for someone who says "no porcelain skin" and gives one and one feedback. ("TELL colleagues if I'm uncomfortable")

Not saying it's never happened -- however it seems to me that in this case it'd be more well spent time to worry about the traffic and drive a bit slower.

Whatever you do in life there's always some risk, and minimizing all risks can create a boring life. Like, always working from home (the traffic!), and avoiding [giving feedback to this seemingly good judgement person and making a new friend].

>>411111+py
I do understand the point, and believe me, it makes me very sad that I can never fully erase this fear.

All I can do is my personal best to turn down the fear notch. But I'll admit--if I were a male colleague, I would still hold onto some of that fear to some degree.

>>paperw+(OP)
You sound like a cool, mindful person.

I think a strong part of what you're describing is that you need to be on point with your non-verbal communication; you need to both tell people that you won't take offense to constructive criticism, and signal it with a lot of cues.

Telling people "this is an example of prejudice, this is how I react to it, if you don't act like this you're clear" is a pretty smooth move too.

>>Poigna+eZ
Well thanks, I appreciate it.

I definitely agree with the non-verbal communication bit. It took me a while to understand that, but now that I do, it makes things much easier.

>>cutemo+AB
Making friends with a woman at work is like making friends with your boss. How can you ever be friends with someone who always has a finger on the 'destroy your livelihood' button?

The power dynamics all fucked up. I'll risk ruin and death for greatness or adventure, not to hopefully benefit the very person who would be my ruin.

>>timesl+Gv8
I and my boss and coworkers were all friends, also on the spare time. It was all fine. My boss even said things like "don't work too much, you don't have any stocks unlike the others who work a lot".