As an outsider sometimes you are not aware of cultural norms, but I always felt the margin for error for what Americans considered "acceptable" was too narrow. There was no benefit of doubt, and sometimes an explicit dislike for someone who did not immediately fit in.
The truth is that countries, or even cities, are not monolithic entities. It's entirely possible for each place to have two characters. In the same NYC that was largely kind to me, I was also stalked at by some lowlife with presumably evil intentions.
> ...in spite of the bad reputations both have seemingly earned online
It’s a terrible custom in most ways but I don’t think you got a good explanation.
No, I’m not trying to be disrespectful and I’m doing my best to be respectful. But it was culture shock and I wasn't used to the array of “we don’t do that here” and “you can’t dress like that there” etc. I was kind of on eggshells in many interactions over things that noone would give a second thought to in the US.
(For context, I visited The Netherlands, Belgium, and France)
Uptight, surely, there are plenty of pockets of uptight cultures in Europe, even more in their largest cities. I consider Stockholm uptight as fuck but on the other hand I'd say that Malmö is pretty relaxed.
Using Europe as a single, homogeneous thing is the same mistake as calling the USA a homogeneous culture. There are traces of culture in both places that are quite orthogonal across many regions but there's so many regional differences that it becomes irrelevant.
everyone knows its a ploy to make the servers work harder and obfuscate true costs of the meal.
I'm not defending the US as I'm often the first to shit on it culturally, but I would definitely suggest getting out if California tbh.
As someone in their 30's struggling to deal with the passive aggressive, unflinchingly uncaring and overall dismissive behaviors of my city's people, I could definitely see this being a trend in my fellow Americans. All lip service and nothing more.
In NYC, there's always too much going on. The critical thing people lack is time. So they interact in ways that don't waste time. That may be being polite... in context.
I always clearly explained that I am a foreigner and do not know how to do this or that and I was given ample information.
The one time it did not work is when I had breakfast in a diner in Arizona and left my table after paying. A lady (also a customer) dropped le and time me how come I can leave without bringing my plate back. I was so surprised that I asked "this is what you do here in restaurants? Cleaning after yourselves?". She got mad and told me how I was misbehaved and everything.
She was clearly a weirdo, though.
After all, waiters could just refuse this system and they would get a normal salary like they do in Europe.
It's worth noting that in the US, that's a stereotype of the west coast and California in particular. The contrast with NYC is particularly frequently cited. New Yorkers have a reputation for being very direct and coming across as rude but will actually be very nice and helpful once you get past that. New Yorkers will call you names that would make a sailor blush, and then immediately rush to help a woman carry her stroller up the subway steps.
(source: lived in NYC for 15 years)
This said, it is such a global thing in the US (specifically for waiters) that I do not understand why there isn't more pushback if this is a problem for everyone (except the restaurant owners)
FWIW there are more and more restaurants in the US (especially high-end ones) that have gotten rid of tipping but this is a labor-friendly decision made by management and puts the restaurant at a menu-price disadvantage to its competitors.
Is there a legal anchor to this? I was under the impression that "minimum wage" is a salary they must be paid or otherwise it is illegal to employ someone (at least this is how the minimum wage works in France)
So if you earn $5/hr and minimum wage is $10/hr, you are guaranteed $10/hr but if you are receiving tips then the remaining $5 comes from your tips. If you do not, the remaining $5 comes from your employer.
However, a lot of tipped workers earn well over the minimum wage when you include tips. So if the proposal is: "let's get rid of tips and then you can get minimum wage," that's obviously not desirable. What would be more palatable is getting rid of tips and raising the minimum wage closer to what they earn with tips, which is really more a problem with the abysmal minimum wage than it is with tipping per se.
I am in hell right now..dealing with harassment(in the legal sense of the word)from a CA public agency, no less. Everyday I fantasize about quitting something I love because the psychological impact is too much to bear.
The only thing that keeps me going is that one day I hope karma will kick in…
I have become a lot meaner at heart. I wonder if I will turn into a tyrant if I ever acquire power.
In California, the worst racism I have faced is in Berkeley where they wear their progressiveness on the sleeve.
We have a minimum wage of 10 USD/hour in France (net, after the zillion of taxes) but the actual minimum is based on a collective bargain that exists in some families of employment (including waiters). The average net salary for a waiter is 1700 USD/month (this includes retirement, social security, unemployment etc.) - not sure how this compares with the US (if there is a way to compare at all, taken how vastly different the systems are)