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[parent] [thread] 19 comments
1. jrumbu+(OP)[view] [source] 2023-06-13 03:53:39
It sounds like this author believes in going really big. They didn't move cities, they moved continents. They didn't date and break up, they married and divorced.

I think there is something to be said for getting some big experiences. Moving from Pittsburgh to Cleveland might be a waste of energy. Moving from Pittsburgh to Paris is a guaranteed adventure.

I don't know if I agree or not, but it is interesting to think about.

replies(3): >>3np+Ca >>heisen+Gh >>Xceler+st
2. 3np+Ca[view] [source] 2023-06-13 05:08:10
>>jrumbu+(OP)
While moving from Pittsburgh to Paris to Hong Kong to Singapore to Berlin to Cape Town is more likely a waste of energy again and risks burning you (not mentioning the planet) out. It's a lot easier to turn the adventure-o-meter up than to turn it down.
replies(2): >>jrumbu+Re >>zerbin+nh
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3. jrumbu+Re[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 05:42:31
>>3np+Ca
I suspect you're right that the first time is an adventure and the fifth time is a chore.

After your first or second big move you might need to change careers or something instead.

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4. zerbin+nh[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 06:00:59
>>3np+Ca
Agreed. This brand of self-aggrandizing “I did it my way” advice adverts always exemplify a special brand of narcissism; the speaker is unaware that they aren’t the center of their own life. The truth is that “blowing up your life” isn’t usually good or laudable: if you regularly find yourself in situations where you think it’s best to hard reset you’re probably very confused about what you want and need and, ironically, would probably benefit more from figuring out how to renegotiate an undesirable situation than eternally storming between grand schemes.
replies(2): >>superh+3D >>engine+BU
5. heisen+Gh[view] [source] 2023-06-13 06:04:20
>>jrumbu+(OP)
Going big and blowing it up - what is there not to like? Going big requires investments and while there is a sunk cost fallacy there is also compound interest. Most larger endeavors have investments from more than one participant - and it often needs just one person to blow it all up. Last but not least: All big investment require taking on risk and you ability to stomach those may decline over time - there is survivor bias in the tale of heroes.

There are long term consequences and without discussing how they relate to rewards of blowing big things up this feels a shallow self promoting piece to me.

6. Xceler+st[view] [source] 2023-06-13 07:36:17
>>jrumbu+(OP)
It’s interesting that a lot of people don’t like big changes, because I’m generally the exact opposite. If I haven’t had a big change in a few years, I start feeling really anxious—like I’m letting life pass me by. Most people crave constancy and routine; I seem to crave novelty and adventure.

To your example, I moved from North Carolina to Paris when I was 3, and ever since then have wanted to go more places. It’s a bit different when you have other people who depend on you though. We moved from the southeast to the Bay Area a while back, and the experienced rattled my wife a lot, as she had lived in the same small hometown for 30 years. I suppose it is her turn for now; with remote work we moved right back to her small hometown next to her parents while our children are young. But two years into this and I’m already itching to move to Norway or Tokyo...

replies(3): >>bombol+US >>wincy+nT >>strong+LO1
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7. superh+3D[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 08:48:35
>>zerbin+nh
"the speaker is unaware that they aren’t the center of their own life"

What does this even mean? Of course you are the center of your own life. That's the human experience.

replies(2): >>halfma+lR >>zerbin+nw1
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8. halfma+lR[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 10:58:18
>>superh+3D
Some would argue the human experience is inherently social, with other humans and the lack of stable community (putting down roots amongst friends, family and a hyperlocal community) isn't realizing said experience to the fullest. To each their own though.
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9. bombol+US[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 11:11:52
>>Xceler+st
Moving in 2 isn't nearly as much of an adventure as it is doing it alone.
replies(2): >>mym199+D31 >>rocket+x51
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10. wincy+nT[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 11:16:30
>>Xceler+st
I think maybe it has to do with self confidence, or childhood trauma? I had a very unstable childhood and things quite often didn’t “just work out”. Adults in my life literally got stabbed and died when “interesting” new things happened. “Hi nice to meet you”, “oh he’s dead now”. “Time to go live in the women’s shelter! Hey now we live in a trailer in the middle of nowhere!” Change was scary and often not for the better. Major change was what you happened when you crawled out the window to escape dad beating mom every night.

I feel I stumbled into the stability I have and want to do everything I can to hang on to it. It doesn’t feel like something I should expect, but something I’m extraordinarily lucky to have. Moving or any other big shake up feels like a very real potential to invite chaos back into my life and destroy the small oasis of calm with my family I’ve spent years building.

replies(2): >>redmat+B11 >>namtab+B81
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11. engine+BU[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 11:24:58
>>zerbin+nh
But also to the contrary this is the exact line of thinking that causes the large majority of people to sleep walk through life, as the author says. It is a hard truth of life that the large majority of people (80+% I would say) do not take any real risks in their entire long life.

You can obviously over-do it, and yes it probably feels good to follow the herd and stay in the "okay" relationship and the "okay" job with the same old things because you feel like that's what everyone does. But... there is much more outside that world. The walls you think are there are in fact not there at all. There is room for risk within reason in life.

replies(2): >>zerbin+Nu1 >>badpun+9o2
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12. redmat+B11[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 12:00:36
>>wincy+nT
Sorry that happened to you as a child. I’m glad you’ve been able to find some stability in your life and are prioritizing what you value.
replies(1): >>wincy+7f1
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13. mym199+D31[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 12:13:23
>>bombol+US
Just not true. It is a different kind of adventure, but certainly can be just as much, or more of one.
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14. rocket+x51[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 12:24:17
>>bombol+US
I spent years having solo adventures only to realize I'd been missing out on shared adventures with a long term partner. With the right person, your adventures can be much bigger, at least for me. Your mileage may vary.
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15. namtab+B81[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 12:41:26
>>wincy+nT
I definitely found myself in what you're describing.

Especially the feeling extraordinarily lucky to have it part.

Chaos gives me anxiety. I know the general state of things IS chaos, change is the only constant, ecc. ecc., but I guess the schopenhauerian minimization of suffering is the only mantra I can entertain.

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16. wincy+7f1[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 13:15:39
>>redmat+B11
It’s just life. But I mean I definitely understand the other side of the coin. To me when things get really really bad it’s time for a really really big change.

It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective that my ancestors who voluntarily got on a boat for weeks and came to the USA sight unseen had a similar wild hare. Maybe things were really bad in Denmark at the time or maybe they just really had wanderlust. No idea.

I think things we call “disorders” like manic depressive episodes partially serve this function and there’s potentially huge rewards for venturing off into the great unknown. Manic episodes are the rocket fuel to take big risks and potentially get big rewards. Obviously enough people hit the big rewards (by having more land, having lots of kids, getting rich) that it has an impact on our genetics and our personalities. But at the same time, the dead men at the bottom of the Mediterranean who were looking for adventure don’t tell us their tales of failure.

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17. zerbin+Nu1[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 14:33:28
>>engine+BU
So what? Why take risks? Merely to say “look I took a risk and it paid off”? I get that risk-taking can result in wealth, fame, etc. but (and I think this is where opinions like OP’s break down for a lot of people) a lot of people struggle to get through the “sleepwalking” life - going to college, finding an apartment, getting your first car, etc. can be huge risks if you lack some generational wealth to back you up in case things go sideways. I mean, hell, most Americans have like $500 in their bank account. Going to the grocery store is a life-or-death (or eternal medically induced poverty) is right around the corner.

And I guess that leads me to what I really turn my nose up at OP’s line of reasoning. Sure, he can move to Thailand and become whatever kind of journo-grifter. I have a wife and kids! I can’t/don’t want to blow it up just to say “I took a risk” and leave them destitute. Which maybe that’s all to say there’s a big difference between gambling with someone else’s money and gambling with your own.

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18. zerbin+nw1[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 14:38:49
>>superh+3D
I disagree, and I want to try to say this in the least cringey and New Age-y way possible, bear with me. Your limited sensory experience indicates you are the “center of your life” - that you are some spirit in your head, inhabiting a body that bumps into other bodies, etc. When you grow up you gain an awareness of other people having this experience alongside you. Sometimes it’s possible to reorient your understanding of this experience away from “I” and towards “we” and to broaden the scope of what “your” life is about. This would mean things like considering your family or community the “center of your life” which I think is considerably better happiness wise than the naive egoism that we take as the (Very American) default setting for life.
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19. strong+LO1[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 15:48:36
>>Xceler+st
I been on great adventures throughout my life, and the result is that I learned I'm happy right where I'm at. The place where I grew up, left a few times, returned to every time (gladly, every time), and still call home. Could just be that different people are different.
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20. badpun+9o2[view] [source] [discussion] 2023-06-13 18:07:22
>>engine+BU
"Taking a risk" by definition means things may improve for you, but they can also get worse. Most people aren't in that great of a position in the first place, they don't want to fall even lower. Esp. since the lows are really low and the highs aren't really as high, and have a diminishing returns quality to them. As Jordan Peterson put it "you can only be so happy, but you can be 100% dead".
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