As someone who worked on a lot of OCaml projects, I would like to assure you that the issue really is the Haskell community which I too find completely unbearable. The rest of the FP community is far nicer/less smug.
For a long time, they just thought it was a shame some innovative constructs seemed to be stuck in their favourite languages (first class functions, variant types, inference) and not percolating to the mainstream. This fight has mostly be won which is great.
See my comment upthread, you seem to be misinformed on the use and prevalence of Haskell in the real world.