I wrote my thesis related to Engelbard. So I think we have a cultural click. Which is why I'm writing all this.
The reason I'm not applying but simply writing things here is because I'm tired of applying (it's hard to hear more than 100+ "no" while at university you were a top student). But I do want to know if you guys think I'm worth considering.
Which is why I'm brutally honest with the following:
Companies tend to reject me due to lack of experience, and (in my opinion) undervalue how quick I can pick things up and how willing I am to work amazingly hard, especially at the beginning of a job. When they hire me they tend to be surprised with how wrong they were about me.
My strength is that I'm a generalist, much more so than most people. My weakness is that people have the perception that I can't be a specialist. But anyone that gave me a chance in hiring me during my freelance time know that I am capable of performing one role as a specialist (full-stack developer with a business and security mindset).
During my good days I tend to have an Elon Musk mindset. He says that working 80 to 100 hours per week means you learn 2 to 2.5 times faster, I mostly agree -- I think it is sometimes more because the interconnectness of things pushes the multiple a bit higher. During my bad days I simply want to work 40 hours per week go home and relax. During these times I sort of don't want to work due to stress, but know that I have to work because it keeps my mind sharp.
[1] I was in "Elon Musk" mode for a month.