zlacker

Who is the one choosing, though? I think it's the one who brings another person into the conversation with a problem begging for help that turns on that same person for trying to make the situation better. That is the person who needs to be empathetic when they are the one seeking help. But apparently we live in this bizarre world where emotions are always right.

>>LanceH+(OP)
In the worst case you have some people who only want to transmit their own negative emotions to you. The don’t want to solve the problem (but will get angry if you don’t attempt it), they won’t accept empathy (or will use it as bait for subtle personal attacks), and they divert any and all conversations back to their own personal issues. The listener is not at fault in this situation!

>>LanceH+(OP)
It looks like you are passing judgement on the OP's situation.

As the OP, I can confidently tell you that you are absolutely in the wrong. You do not have sufficient information to pass this judgment.

I was emphatically not, "trying to make the situation better." Though that was the excuse that I would have made for myself. I was distracted, and wanting the problem to go away so I could get back to something else. (Which was rather less important.) I was throwing out suggestions before I had heard enough to say anything that had any chance of actually being useful. And if my mindset had been, "trying to make the situation better," I would have absolutely realized that.

>>iamnot+y5
As the OP whose situation was being described, I guarantee that my wife is very far from the worst case. If she was, we would not be married.

>>LanceH+(OP)
Problems don't beg for help. People do.

And in this general scenario, you are assuming that you are being begged for help every time someone describes a problem to you. Literally, they are not. Maybe they are implying that request; maybe they are communicating something else instead.

I assure you that your general assumption is false, sometimes.

>>LanceH+(OP)
A second reply, to a second comment.

> But apparently we live in this bizarre world where emotions are always right.

No, but we do live in a world where emotions are always important. So much so that highly productive and well-beloved people commit suicide sometimes, in the extreme cases.

Emotions matter, certainly, or at least yours do - to you. When others' emotions also matter to you, you move beyond infant-like narcissism, and become a potentially productive member of society. Not productive in the sense of number of lines of code written, but in the sense that you are treasured, looked after, and sought out by others simply for yourself.