zlacker

> You realize a lot of people actually prefer to give their child their best instead of outsourcing it

My wife and I staggered our work schedules to minimize the time spent at daycare.

The one thing we didn’t expect: The kids absolutely loved daycare. It was a great place with excellent caretakers. Most of all, it was socialization with their friends.

From reading sneering interment comments (like the one above) I was led to believe that daycare would be an awful experience and I should feel guilty for sending our kids away. Instead, it turned out to be a very fun thing they looked forward to that was also great for their development. Our kids still hang out with friends they made early in daycare days.

>>Aurorn+(OP)
Exactly this.

There are so many benefits to day care for the children. It’s hardly the prison camp people make it out to be.

I don’t know if these negative comments are because HN in general dislikes the wider educational system, or if it’s because they dislike governments handing out “charity” to help less affluent families. Maybe a touch of both? But daycare can actually be a really rewarding experience for children.

So much so, that I have parent friends who one of them is a stay-at-home parent and they still send their child to day care at least one day a week to help the child’s independence, social skills and comfort when away from home. And they’ve found their child has been better for the experience

Edit: and the fact that I’ve been downvoted within seconds of posting this shows how ridiculous people are on here when it comes this topic.

>>Aurorn+(OP)
There is something sad about not spending as much time as you possibly can with your children in their younger years, though.

>>marknu+Y4
You can still have quality time with your children AND send them to day care.

It’s not like boarding school where you’d only see them during the holidays ;)

>>hnlmor+l4
There probably are some pretty bad daycares out there, with overworked and burnt-out caretakers. But yeah my friends with kids mostly say the same thing, their kids love it.

>>marknu+Y4
Are you open to the idea that spending every possible moment with your young child may not be the best thing for the kid?

>>hnlmor+l4
For me at least, it's a general dislike of the wider educational system. My parents taught me to read, play chess, multiply, and write in cursive before elementary school. I didn't really learn anything at preschool or kindergarten, and I imagine daycare would be worse for my educational development. Maybe it's useful for social development? but at least for me I was always pretty independent (even in kindergarten) from the other kids. Not in an isolated way, I just preferred doing my own thing.

>>cridde+kc
I think this is a leading question and you should probably clarify why you're asking it. More specifically, what situation leads you to believe that it's not totally fine to spend a lot of time with your pre-adolescent children? I think there are a wide variety of living situations that all result in pretty well-adjusted children.

>>Aurorn+(OP)
> The kids absolutely loved daycare. It was a great place with excellent caretakers. Most of all, it was socialization with their friends.

People who stay at home and take care of their own kids aren’t skipping socialization. They still participate in various activities where there are other kids. But, the kids do get a lot higher quality care from stay at home parents than a daycare can afford. If you stay at the daycare and observe things, you’ll see how difficult it is for the workers to split attention.

Oh and you get a lot less illness if avoiding daycare. And that regained time, is development time and time to go do fun things.

>>Aurorn+(OP)
This was surprising to me too. I think there was some guilt around having a child and not spending 100% of our time caring for them. The reality was that quality daycare teachers have a lot of experience and a support network that enables them to create a great environment for learning. Socializing with peers from a young age was a huge benefit. While I'm sure they'll catch up, when observing kids the same age who hadn't been to "school" yet, it was clear that these kids hadn't developed at the same rate. Even if I had all the resources in the world, I'd still send my kids to a good daycare vs trying to replicate these learning opportunities at home.

>>progra+uf
This might be a difference between the US and UK?

Preschools in the UK have curriculums they have to follow. That includes maths, reading and writing too.

I’m not going to comment on preschools in your country, but in the UK the kids who attended preschool are IN GENERAL the stronger students, socially, emotionally, and academically, when it comes to starting infants/ elementary school. Particularly in the less affluent areas. Though there might be some selection bias here too due to the kinds of parents who can sand their child to daycare verses those who cannot.

>>marknu+Y4
I think it's healthy for parents to have other pursuits. Not everyone is 100% fulfilled hanging out with young children all day, and that's perfectly fine.

Even with daycare, parents are spending a substantial portion of their time with their children.

>>Silver+Qk
This is buying into the idea of rugged individualism when it comes to parenting. That all a child needs is their parents and that time away from children is a failure of parents. This couldn't be further from the truth. Many studies show that children raised in a cooperative environment where they are exposed to various people and practices from extended family, professionals, teachers, etc help reinforce social connectedness.

Not to mention parents have more to them to simply being parents. Their own desires, wants, and needs. Balancing these with being parents leads to the more fulfillment.

>>jajuuk+3s
This feels like a strawman. I didn’t say that “all a child needs is their parents”. I am saying however, that parents in most cases will provide higher quality care and more attention to their child than what a daycare can provide. Have you tried watching 3 kids simultaneously? It’s just not possible even in the controlled environment of a daycare room. Kids that are raised by parents aren’t in a bubble - they’re still going out and meeting with other families and kids and doing things. The notion that children raised by parents are not exposed is itself a common myth used to diminish the value of parents.

>>Silver+Vu
Saying "that parents in most cases will provide higher quality care and more attention to their child" and that it's not possible to watch 3 kids simultaneously is reinforcement of "all a child needs is their parents". It's laughably false and shows your ignorance on this subject. Putting parents on a pedestal is not good for children or parents. Please take a look at research on this subject.

>>hnlmor+2o
In the less affluent areas, I'd expect children not attending daycare to just not be getting anything at home. Presumably their parents are both working and cannot afford daycare. In the more affluent areas, I'd expect children only don't attend daycare if their parents prioritize their children over their jobs, and so they'd be getting much more positive attention than in a daycare. But, of course, we'd have to see a study differentiated by socioeconomic status to see what is actually the case.

>>Silver+Qk
> the kids do get a lot higher quality care from stay at home parents than a daycare can afford

Maybe, but definitely not always. There's a lot of variables with this logic. My wife and I aren't trained early childhood educators. We didn't spend years studying such things, we haven't been doing this for many years, and we aren't always as equipped with things like lesson plans and educational development attainment goals.

Without a doubt, every child is different, different kids grow in their own spurts and what not. But when we took our kids out of daycare for my wife to stay at home and tend to the kids after our youngest was born, we had our oldest remain in twice a week daycare so my wife could spend more time focusing on our infant at the time. His growth trajectory definitely fell. He wasn't able to keep up with a lot of his classmates, even though it had just been a single semester. He wasn't as happy, and his connections with his close friends he had known since he was barely able to walk were clearly fraying despite attempts to schedule as many play dates. Our youngest wasn't progressing as fast as others we knew from the daycare. In the end we put both kids back in full-time once my wife managed to find similar employment again. Once both kids were back in full time, it was almost night and day difference. Our oldest child was noticeably much happier. He quickly caught back up with the class and had those friendships restored. Similar story with our youngest.

We also tend to hang out with a lot of at-home families as well. Most of the kids I know from our school seem significantly ahead in logic and socialization skills compared to most of the kids I know who stay at-home. Not all, for sure, I know a few families who are exceptionally great at being educators for their kids. But I also know many families who try very hard but ultimately aren't that great in comparison. Not everyone is a good teacher, and that's OK.

In the end, we're not as effective of educators for our kids, it's just not what we're necessarily great at doing. So, they spend time with people who are. And we continue to try and do our best with them at home as well with things they aren't taught in school.

>>progra+TQ
We prioritized our kids. In the end, what worked better for our kids was for us to earn enough income to send them to really nice daycare/preschool for several hours a day.