That being said, one issue I've found is that while I can use VSCode for every other language, using PHP feels terrible if I'm not using a JetBrains IDE. I tried installing the PHP extension pack, but it was still leagues behind. Is there any guide someone can recommend for making PHP a first-class language in VSCode, or am I stuck in phpStorm?
It's possible that PHP's ubiquity and the core language's poor architecture/design (for decades now) are the source, not the ignorance of those complaining. PHP was the very first programming language I learned, in 1997. If anything, I mostly stopped disparaging it because I simply moved on in my career enough to be able to choose languages that aren't constantly fighting me.
I'm a consultant so I get asked about unfucking PHP codebases every few years, and I check in on the ecosystem and language. It's better but (unsurprisingly) still not great. Meanwhile, languages a decade+ younger avoided PHP's mistakes.