zlacker

I think the best strategy is to try to avoid talking to women about their "personal" stuff. Try to not make it into a "personal" relationship when it really isn't. ... So men frequently have "personal" conversations with women in public settings that they wouldn't have with a man or in a way that they wouldn't have with a man and it happens so often that women don't realize "This is not normal and it is not good for your work life."

This is an interesting perspective, and it's something that I found weird when I started working with Americans - they're so cagey about their non-work lives compared to how people are in Ireland. With most of my previous co-workers I'd know their backstories and their partners/spouses/kids names, even if I've never met them, but with my current (mostly American) team unless I actually ask people this stuff they absolutely only ever talk about work, unless they have a story or two that from their real lives that fits with their work persona

>>circle+(OP)
I'm part Irish and part Cherokee and part German. That seems to be a factor in the challenges I've faced in trying to make my life work.

To me, talking with people is a really normal activity, but it's gone weird places with people who seem to think we have a super intimate relationship because I talked with them a little. And they reflect that back to me as being far more conversation than they've had with anyone in ages and now want to treat me like their personal possession or some nonsense.

Just being less share-y and drawing certain boundaries seems to be the only effective approach. Being what I think of as personable, polite and diplomatic just goes really weird places at times and then I can't get rid of people who latch onto me like obsessed nutcases.

Reading up on some Irish playwright helped me feel more at peace with some things.

I'm American. Born and raised here and spent most of my life here. But I tend to get misread a lot by Americans and tend to hit it off better with foreigners, third culture kids, people who have traveled a lot, etc.

>>Doreen+lj
Culture definitely plays a factor. I’m not actually American and my day to day isn’t nearly as bad as what I described in previous comments, but I do often work with and interact with Americans, which is mostly where my comments came from. The other thing is that there’s a slow Americanisation happening in some circles so I also want to be prepared. Luckily outside of the interactions I’ve mentioned and a few others, things have mostly been fairly smooth with people being quite understanding and willing to work together to improve things. But I do see it, regardless, which is why I’m here.

Anyway, your comments have given me lots to think about. Thanks! Hopefully you find ways to improve things for yourself too.