zlacker

You tried to be clever and it backfired :-)

What was wrong with a "be bolder"/"be more assertive"/"don't be afraid of taking credit for your work"?

>>oblio+(OP)
> What was wrong with a "be bolder"/"be more assertive"/"don't be afraid of taking credit for your work"?

I don't see those as useful since it doesn't provide the person any actual guidance or reference point. What does assertive mean? What should I exactly do? How do I do it? "Act like X" provides a well known reference point that they can use to adjust their behavior based on. They can remember all the times they've seen X do something in a similar situation and then just act like that.

>>marcin+I
That's hilarious.

If you want to make it super explicit, come up with examples. "Be bolder, for example for this project I saw you doing 80% of the work, you should get to headline the presentation and have top billing on the authors page".

"Act like X" is also potentially useful, if you make it explicit. Explicit is not "Act like a white man" (whaaaa?). Explicit: is "Act like Bob, for example do you remember when HR said he couldn't have a new screen and he insisted"?

>>oblio+Z1
But all that does in practice is that only those who can come up with perfectly worded advice on the spot that will not offend anyone will be giving advice to people who might become offended. Which actually hurts the underprivileged since they will now receive a significantly reduced amount of advice.

>>marcin+l4
Why perfectly worded? I guess it depends on the person, but coming up with examples should be easy, in my experience.

It's just an extension of the classic "show, don't tell".

>>oblio+(OP)
There is a lot of value in the "imagine what someone else would think or do" mechanic of giving people advice. There certainly are dragons in asking somebody to act like a white dude, so don't do that.

"Be bolder" is different than "what do you think a bold person would do?"

I have had many conversations with people going through a tough time and unsure of what to do or how to feel in a situation and there is this trick to getting people to think differently that almost always works... ask the question

"What would a reasonable person do in your situation?"

Suddenly the person having trouble coming up with the answer "What should I do?" has a perfect answer to "What would a reasonable person do?"

It's a psychological trick that goes after how one thinks about one's self and how one thinks about someone else being quite different. If you refocus your attention to view yourself from an external objective, you often end up with much better judgement.

>>marcin+I
"Act like X" in this situation is not a well known reference point and not a good way to express the idea. Know how we know that? Because the person who said it offended someone and then got reported. Please, quit trying to justify using racially-charged language in this situation

>>marcin+l4
Most advice to give has already been thought about. And if not, you can simply say "Let me get back to you with feedback on ___"

>>dbsmit+k6
By that definition of something being problematic "someone you said it to got offended" the OP has resolved the issue. Now people he talks to no longer are offended by what he says. I suspect however that you don't like his solution to the problem even though it resolves the very definition of it being an issue you bring up.

>>marcin+m7
It doesn't actually resolve anything. Just because someone passed a test to see if X was offensive, it doesn't mean they won't find Y offensive. So no, I don't like this 'solution', because it's not a good one. It takes risk where none is needed.