zlacker

My wife and I have ADD in different areas/amounts. The difference between us in the way we use and react to sound is, in my rather biased opinion, fascinating:

Me: Single source only, absolutely can't listen to music while trying to code or read. I have used https://mynoise.net/ and the Android app to drown out environmental noise when I'm working around others. I'm very easily distracted by noise, especially things like speakerphone conferences. Music to me is a single focus thing, I can't do anything else and have to focus only on the music.

Her: can hold a conversation with me while listening to a podcast and simultaneously playing a phone game. Music is very much something that happens while she is busy doing other stuff, even when it's her favourite songs and she's rocking out singing along.

It was a revelation to her when we discussed this. She was completely unaware that to me, trying to hold a conversation if I was already listening to music was almost painful. She's adjusted her expectations and knows that if my good headphones are on, it's my music time. We both love music so much, it's an integral part of our gen-x upbringing, yet our different attention problems lead us to consume it in very different ways.

(and, yes, she's awesome. I'm amazed daily by her and count myself incredibly lucky to find someone as kind, understanding, funny, loving, sexy and brilliant as her)

sorry if that's TMI.

>>bloope+(OP)
I'm very much like you describe yourself. There are only a few very ambient musical tracks to which I can do concentrated work while hearing. Interestingly, I can't even do that much on the first listening of them. It's only when I've heard them a bunch of times and they are already familiar. Then my brain can focus on other things. However, even in that case, my sense is there is still a cognitive 'tax' going on. I don't get as much done or think as deeply even with familiar ambient music.

I also can't have the radio on in my car if I plan to actually think. It's hard for me to even imagine how people are able to concentrate with active music playing or, worse, a television show running in the room. I'm always reminded how different I am every time I stay at one of those hotels that has a communal free breakfast area. They invariably have TVs tuned to those 'happy babble' morning talk shows and most people seem to have no problem working, reading, or carrying on a conversation with it running constantly into their brain.

Apparently, some of us are just made differently. I have an occasional multi-hour drive I need to do and I will sometimes listen to music, a good podcast or an audiobook but I'm actively listening to it. Most often though I drive in complete silence and just think. Some of my friends are surprised by this and can't imagine just sitting in silence that long. However, I love it.

>>bloope+(OP)
I'm glad you two can get along in this capacity. I have ADHD and I'm very much like your wife and my last partner was like you, but my ability/tendency to multitask tended to be overwhelming for her even when it was just me doing it. Like, if I tried to talk to her while simultaneously listening to a podcast and doing something on my phone, she would be feel overwhelmed by association and ask me to stop the other things and just talk to her.

I don't think she had ADHD though so maybe it was different for her and more of a sensory thing. I just appreciate that you two are so different (in this aspect) and still able to respect and adapt to each other's differences.

>>_nothi+Gf
Your conversation quality might be noticeably different when you are doing something else and when you are not (even if you don't notice it).

For me, I can kinda participate in a dialog when distracted, but I'm definitely not pulling my weight in such cases, so the person on the other end has to do all the work.

>>bloope+(OP)
I've actually never really thought of this and I find it rather interesting. For years I've used a combination of ambient and post-rock music and services like mynoise to focus. I've never thought that it could be a distraction for people. Thank you for posting this, gave me something to think about.