I'm sorry if my comment was understood as criticising perceived "aggressiveness", and I agree that the specific complaint about "shouting matches" certainly does not accurately describe HN. Although aggressiveness can be part of what I was talking about, I'd rather use the term "contrariness"–one you have also used on occasion to describe the typical commenter, if I recall correctly.
I will also happily admit to be part of that dynamic, and I don't think it should reflect negatively on any comment, or commenter, or even any single online community.
It just seems valid to believe that there are other modes of communication, and that it could be worthwhile to explore if there are mechanisms to bring those to the front more often.