zlacker

>>femfos+(OP)
There's a dark irony to the idea that the defenses against sexism (standing up and calling people out) are also causing an unintended secondary sexism by discouraging equal treatment out of fear of accusations.

I've held the belief that if a someone can't recognize and clearly identify the differences between criticism based on merits and criticism based on bias, then there is no point attempting to do "what they want," because they don't know how to identify what they want even if they got it.

>>daenz+2J
I think trust is the issue, a person coming to you for answers is coming from a place of vulnerability.

I've solved this in the past by asking the person if they want a comforting lie or an honest truth. I still provide feedback in both ways but the honest truth path is what is taken by most people who are able to take negative feedback correctly.

>>WrtCdE+aK
Everyone thinks they want the honest truth. Has anyone ever told you they want you to lie to them?

>>sidr+PP
I've definitely said to someone, "Right now, I want you to reassure me about this, even if you don't believe it."

I didn't call it a lie, but yes, that's what I was requesting.

In that circumstance, I believed things would ultimately work out, but my confidence was faltering. I needed to hear my own belief in an outside voice whether that person believed it or not.

I didn't actually need his belief. I already had my own. I just needed him to voice it.