To wit, the idea is that you cannot distinguish whether you are in an accelerated frame or in a gravitational field; alternatively stated, if you’re floating around in an elevator you don’t know whether you’re freefalling to your doom or in deep sideral space far from any gravitational source (though of course, since you’re in an elevator car and apparently freefalling... I think we’d all agree on what’s most likely, but I digress).
Anyway, what irks me that this is most definitely not true at the “thought experiment” level of theoretical thinking: if you had two baseballs with you in that freefalling lift, you could suspend them in front of you. If you were in deep space, they’d stay equidistant; if you were freefalling down a shaft, you’d see them move closer because of tidal effects dictated by the fact that they’re each falling towards the earth’s centre of gravity, and therefore at (very slightly) different angles.
Of course, they’d be moving slightly toward each other in both cases (because they attract gravitationally) but the tidal effect presents is additional and present in only one scenario, allowing one to (theoretically) distinguish, apparently violating the bedrock Equivalence Principle.
I never see this point raised anywhere and I find it quite distressing, because I’m sure there’s a very simple explanation and that General Relativity is sound under such trivial constructions, but I haven’t been able to find a decent explanation.
The first part of the argument is that for single point particles falling, the effect of gravity is the same for all particles. This suggests that we should model gravity as something intrinsic to spacetime itself, rather than as a field living on top of spacetime, which could couple to different particles with different strengths.
The second part of the argument, which is what you point out, is that gravity can have nontrivial tidal effects. (This had better be true, because if all gravitational effects were just equivalent to a trivial uniform acceleration, then it would be so boring that we wouldn't need a theory of gravity at all!) This suggests that whatever property of spacetime we use to model gravity, it should reduce in the Newtonian limit to something that looks like a tidal effect, i.e. a gradient of the Newtonian gravitational field. That leads directly to the idea of describing gravity as the curvature of spacetime.
So both parts of the argument give important information (both historically and pedagogically). Both parts are typically presented in good courses, but only the first half makes it to the popular explanations, probably out of simplification.
Can you please explain to me how you went from"looks like a tidal effect in the Newtonian limit" to "a gradient of the Newtonian Graviational field"?