zlacker

>>thomas+(OP)
I think that the real power of spaced repetition is not in flashcard applications like this. It is in behavior modification.

Let's take a real example to show how this works.

August 19, 2025. My wife called me in to help her decide what to do about a dentist that she thought was ripping her off. A couple of quick suggestions later, and she went to being mad at me about not having heard the problem through before trying to fix it badly. As soon as she was mad, I immediately connected with how stupid what I did was, and that this never goes well. But, of course, it was now too late.

Not a mistake I was going to make for a while. But, given my history, a mistake I was bound to make again.

I changed that. This time I stuck this into my spaced repetition system. Each time the prompt comes up, I remember that scene, holding in mind how it important it is to emotionally engage, not offer quick suggestions, and be sure to listen to the full problem in detail. It takes me less than 30 seconds. Reviewing this prompt, for my whole lifetime, will take less than 15 minutes of work. Just typing this up this time takes more work than I'll spend on it in the next several years.

This mistake hasn't happened since. Not once. And I believe it won't again in my life.

I have literally changed dozens of such behaviors. My wife says that it is like there is a whole new me. She can't believe the transformation.

All it took is looking at spaced repetition as general purpose structured reinforcement, and not as just a way to study flashcards.

>>btilly+dB
I love this example because the correct, wise approach is so alien to my mind that I do not know how to respond to such situations. I am a professional problem solver, you described a problem, yet you do not want it solved? Just talk about it being annoying, like an immutable facet of the universe? Should I retort about my grievances with gravity making roof repairs a bear?

>>0cf861+XB
The way I approach these situations is by reminding myself that the speaker is implicitly making a request - a request for empathy or understanding. While it's tempting to try to solve their problems, what they really want is for their feelings to be heard.

"Oh, that must have been frustrating."

>>mehaga+ED
THIS! And realizing this is a major step forward for many men in learning to better communicate with women (a stereotype, sure, but one that has many true instances IME).