I was on a bad psychedelic trip, accompanied with some other issues at the time and ending up making threatening statements to a very high level official, but no battery occurred whatsoever. Thank goodness, or I would probably not be writing this message
Could/would you consider a sideways step to something less directly security based? For instance there might be data engineering roles that might suit.
Poster could say, “you don’t need to trust me, that’s the point of {insert product or service}”.