https://www.pgcasts.com/episodes/the-skip-locked-feature-in-...
It’s not “web scale” but it easily extends to several thousand background jobs in my experience
I've used this for tasks at big organizations without issue. No need for any special deployments or new infra. Just spin up a few worker threads in your app. Perhaps a thread to reset abandoned tasks. But in three years this never actually happened, as everything was contained in try/catch that would add it back to the queue, and our java app was damn stable.
There is actually another possibility: there must be a way to check whether the receiving system has received the message. But this only works if there are no "rogue" senders.