zlacker

>>femfos+(OP)
If you are a woman you can easily counter this behavior by labelling it and saying that you don't have a porcelain skin. Bonuspoints if you laugh about a guy giving you super bad feedback and how this did not bother you.

Putting people at ease around you (especially customers) is a critical entrepreneurial skill.

You can't blame people for being cautious when a lot of people are buying into victim-narratives and convinced to act against their "oppressors".

>>cynusx+Gx
As a woman, I adopted this solution about a year ago. I will literally tell new teammates, "Look, I'm new to this career, I have a TON to learn, and I would love to be critiqued and given advice on how I can improve. I operate under a good-faith policy, so I will always assume you're being helpful and not condescending, unless you're overwhelmingly insulting (ie: telling me women aren't made for leadership roles.)"

I do not exaggerate when I say that the amount of meaningful advice I've been given since I adopted this technique has increased 5x.

Another perk--due to my vocal policy on this, I had an autistic colleague tell me that I'm the only woman he feels comfortable working with. He struggles to read social situations, and he frets that women will interpret his bluntness as him being dismissive or "mansplaining." It made me very sad to think he's missing out on good relationships with so many talented women in our office, just because of this environment of fear. But he's a wonderful friend and colleague, and I am so happy to have his advice and support.

>>paperw+g11
The problem is you can retroactively change this policy at any time and re-interpret past comments.

>>foobie+2t1
There's not a chance that she could do that without every professional relationship she holds exploding in her face.

>>Aussie+bH1
Exactly, this is what I rely on. People know me as the "people person" on my team. My career progression thus far has mostly been due to my ability to forge positive relationships throughout the organization (something that's desperately needed for cybersecurity teams.) If I screwed over a colleague like this, people know it would shatter those relationships and absolutely decimate my career. And cybersecurity is a small world, so it wouldn't be something I could easily brush under the rug.

It's sad, and sometimes frustrating, that I have to think in these "nuclear arms race" terms. And that's something else I try to be open about: that I'm really frustrated with this environment of fear. I think the more people openly acknowledge that, the easier it will be to move toward a healthier environment.