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[return to "Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up"]
1. throwa+V4[view] [source] 2021-03-28 19:10:58
>>femfos+(OP)
Creating a throwaway for obvious reasons. I'm not an investor but someone who is in a position to make key decisions about peoples' careers and give advice, and I do have a bit of a trick I use for this.

There was one black female mentee who I noticed was timid in taking credit for her work. I had recently attended a diversity panel where someone in a similar role as me said that in a similar situation, and her advice to her mentee was "Think about what a white man would do" and everyone applaud such an insightful advice. So identifying such an opportunity, I said the exact same thing word for word, basically "I see you're hesitating to take credit for your work. Think about what a white man would do."

Immediately after saying that, I could tell it wasn't taken well, and she asked "what does that mean?" I couldn't come up with an answer for that which wouldn't be taken in a really bad way, so I backpedaled. She later reported me to an administrative person who luckily felt it was too vague to file a serious report about, but told me to watch what I say.

But I do have a solution (my trick). From that point on, I definitely give more subtle advice unless they have passed my test, which is I see how they react to situations where they could give the benefit of the doubt to others in vague situations. Sometimes, I'll bring up a past story about another anonymous person and see if they are outraged and want to get them in trouble. Only the ones who remark that they probably had good intentions, and don't react too strongly, I'll give more candid advice to.

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2. steve_+K6[view] [source] 2021-03-28 19:20:52
>>throwa+V4
"Think about what a white man would do" seems completely ambiguous to me. It's not a clear way to communicate. It would be better to follow up "I see you're hesitating to take credit for your work" with specific examples of what she might be able to say. Or you could give examples of behavior that people she knows have exhibited.

Even if "what a white man would do" wasn't emotionally charged (and it is), it's not a good way to make the point.

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3. Darmod+Q9[view] [source] 2021-03-28 19:36:26
>>steve_+K6
I can't imagine how someone would think that is a good suggestion.

Are they implying white men are smarter/better so they always take the right decisions? If that's what they're doing, they're also implying, in this case, she, as a black woman, is not as smart as a white man.

I'm a white man surrounded by mostly white people working on a field with mostly white men and I can't say what a white man would do in certain situations because we're all different and we all think differently.

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4. paulry+Jd[view] [source] 2021-03-28 19:54:11
>>Darmod+Q9
A generous interpretation would be that a white man typically mentions their accomplishments without reservation. I.e. they are comfortable speaking up in almost any circumstance. (They most often are in secure in their employment and role.)
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5. ALittl+Nf[view] [source] 2021-03-28 20:04:43
>>paulry+Jd
I don't think that's generous at all. It's characterizing all white men. If I told a bad math student to think what an Asian person would do would you take the "generous interpretation" of "study more"?

Why not just say what you mean without the racial stereotypes?

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6. paulry+ah[view] [source] 2021-03-28 20:11:08
>>ALittl+Nf
Generous as in assuming the most graceful interpretation. Not intending to bucket people.
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