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[return to "Leap: An Online Community for Women"]
1. turina+Wd[view] [source] 2018-01-16 18:30:15
>>stable+(OP)
I'm a woman that's worked in tech since 2011... at times the discrimination and treatment I've faced has made me want to quit the industry all together. But every time I reached that point I thought - no, I'm not the one who should have to leave, it's the people -- usually men -- who have not shown empathy, kindness or compassion. The ones who have bullied me and harassed me and made inappropriate comments or advances. So many of these experiences I just buried inside until I was in the company of other people I trusted and felt safe to share. There hasn't really been an online forum where I felt safe to have these conversations until now. Now that Leap is here I have other people who get me who I can talk to about the stuff that is bugging me. With their help I can treat each day as new and keep moving forward with my career. If you don't understand why this community is important perhaps it's because you have had the privilege of never feeling like a second class citizen in the industry you work in.
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2. fruzz+Nh[view] [source] 2018-01-16 18:48:56
>>turina+Wd
I really wish your experience was unique.

A colleague was groped. She didn't report it. It would have likely diminished her future prospects. A friend was asked out on dates, unsolicited, multiple times by coworkers. She just had to laugh it off. Women at a previous employment reported not being taken as seriously as men in meetings, and being passed over for promotions in favour of less qualified men. A friend reported sexualized posters of women up in the office. In the chat of my company, a sexualized video of women was passed around.

I'm trans, so my challenges are a bit different. I try to hide the fact that I'm trans during interviews. A lot of people are uncomfortable with trans people (26% of Canadian men are uncomfortable moving next to one), and with interviews to see if I'm socially a good fit, that can end it. I actually changed my name to an androgynous one as to not out myself. I get misgendered at work by people who do it on purpose. I also get touched inappropriately by a coworker.

In all cases, what can you do to challenge these things without being seen as "the crazy one", "too sensitive", "party pooper", or whatever? Without hurting my finances? It's shit.

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3. fortyt+jq[view] [source] 2018-01-16 19:30:51
>>fruzz+Nh
Disclaimer: not in any way attempting to diminish your experience. Only adding my own, to broaden the conversation.

It can be a similar experience for men (although it's definitely not something talked about). I've had a female coworker walk up behind me repeatedly and give me unsolicited back rubs and ask me if I wanted to go to an empty office. I've been flirted with and hit on repeatedly. I've had a group of women at work, some of whom were in positions of power, socially shun me because I wasn't romantically interested in one of their friends, another coworker.

Most of this happened when I was younger, and I probably would respond differently now that I have more experience (I just kept my mouth shut back then). But, I still can't help but feel that I wouldn't be taken as seriously by HR, because I'm a man.

I'd like to see us move past the current narrative of "Men do this to Women" and get to a place where we recognize that People shouldn't do this to other People.

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4. fruzz+xx[view] [source] 2018-01-16 20:09:47
>>fortyt+jq
Those experiences are awful. I do not dispute that there are male victims, including in the workplace. I absolutely agree that "People shouldn't do this to other People".

That said, women as a group are disproportionately on the receiving end of improper workplace behaviour overwhelmingly perpetrated by men.

And you can't address that dynamic without first acknowledging that it exists and putting words to it. And so, men as a group do this to women as a group and it has real-life ramifications for women. That doesn't mean we don't address what is happening to men. It's not a zero sum game. But it also means we can't ignore how gender is implicated in this discourse for women.

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5. cheez+5y[view] [source] 2018-01-16 20:12:32
>>fruzz+xx
So the solution is what? To impose solutions on the individual who never would have done anything untoward anyway?
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6. fruzz+Hz[view] [source] 2018-01-16 20:19:51
>>cheez+5y
Creating an online space that empower women, like Leap, is one example of a solution.
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7. cheez+se1[view] [source] 2018-01-17 01:02:28
>>fruzz+Hz
OK, now that I have you, what is the benefit of acknowledging that men as a group do something to hurt women? And if that's the case, what is it that women, as a group do to hurt men?

I believe the awareness of the #metoo movement is powerful, in that it allows me as a male, to say stuff like "that's not cool" when needed.

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